Overcoming working mom guilt is not easy. Intensive mothering ideals, the perfect mother myth, and social expectations tell us that we should put ourselves on the back burner and always put our children first.
But moms can embrace fulfillment outside of motherhood, thriving in their careers and showing their children that it’s okay to prioritize themselves.
Being a working mom is like a seesaw; it will never be a perfect balance, and that’s okay.
Little did I know it was not the challenge of being a working mom but the guilt I would feel when it was time to let him go.
The last two weeks have been some of the most challenging for me personally and professionally. When I started my career at my current employer almost nineteen years ago, it was a complete shock to me that I found out I was pregnant only three months after I started my job—shocked because doctors had told me that the possibility of having a child was unlikely. The pregnancy was no cakewalk; for most of it, I was confined to a bed, but against all odds, out popped a 6-pound, 10-ounce baby boy.
When you become a parent the love you feel is immense. I felt joy and sadness because this would be the only child I would ever have due to medical complications.
Fortunately, and maybe unfortunately for him, he became an only child that his parents sunk their entire lives into. Our active lives did not stop; they were just enriched. For the last 18 years, he was our whole universe.
I do not regret any of those eighteen years, but reflecting on them created an immense amount of guilt due to my commitment to my career, which often kept me from spending quality time with him five out of seven days a week. He saw his mother approximately two hours a day for most of his life, and I did not reflect on this until it was too late because it was time to take him to college.
Working parents can feel guilty about spending too much time at work, especially as their children get older or, in my case, go to college. Here are some tips that have helped me:
Instead of feeling guilty, I had to reframe my thinking, consider how my work positively impacted my family, and set an example for my child. For example, you might think, “Now he is getting to spend time with their dad, which is so important,” instead of, “I’m not there, so I must be a bad mom.” This shift in perspective can help you feel reassured about the value of your work in your family's life.
I had to recognize that every role involves trade-offs, and I had to accept that we chose for my husband to stay at home and be the primary caregiver so that I could work and provide for our family. Our decision allowed me to grow personally and sharpen my skills to be successful.
I have learned that my delegation skills need to be improved so that I do not repeat the same pattern, considering my husband is sixteen years older than me and deserves my time in his later years.
It's crucial to take care of yourself by showing yourself compassion as you work through your feelings and remember that guilt is tied to empathy. I let myself feel the hurt, and then I snapped out of it because I did everything I could to prepare that young man to be a good member of society.
Then I had to realize that my role would never change, and I will always be his mother.
And finally, to my son Hunter Riley Hicks, your mom loves you way more than this job, and if you need me, I will be there for you. Now go make your momma proud!
